The walls start caving in and there’s no way out,
My world is too crowded, too small for us all
I need to move on, and I need to get out
I need a place where none can hear me scream and shout.
R. A. Douglas
This love is dying,
It’s losing its meaning.
The feeling is fading,
And I all I can think of is leaving.
R. A. Douglas
“If it came without a fight it was never worth it. If it didn’t take hard work we’ll never appreciate it, and if we could easily have each other we wouldn’t want it.
With every fight we become stronger. With every battle we get closer.
With every no, we demanded a yes, and in this life it’s us against the world. Us against the world.”
R. A. Douglas October 20, 2014.
Winds blow through leaves of yellow
Hollow pumpkins stare, eyes aglow, and empty grins.
Long gazes towards golden horizons as the world browns and burnishes around us.
Summer has come and gone,
Autumn rolls in with thunderous storms.
In the greyness of rains, and the orange of cloudless middays,
Your hand blankets mine.
Creating a warmth in a chill of the air,
Waiting for seasons to race by,
These autumn hearts by the crackling fire.
Roja Ariel Douglas October 9, 2013.
I took part in a lot of fun activities while growing up and I loved everything I did, but undeniably, running outdid them all. Running taught me some hidden truths about life. It was my first love. It was my meditation and my therapy. I don’t believe I cared half as much about the competitive aspect of track and field, as I did the way it felt during and after a race/work out; breaking through friction, running past what I thought was my limit, the feel of the rubber track under my spikes, the hot air surrounding my flushed face at the end of each set, lactic acid to turn overs, and the love/hate relationship with mega twos. Most of all, it came with discipline and lessons that could be carried into every area of life. It was never about the competition, the medals, t-shirts, or prize at the end. It was about the two white lines on either side of me and the finish line before me. It was about owning the space that was given to me, and breaking the boundaries without ever stepping over the lines. I became a different person during each race, and it was almost a Narnia to me, a different-magical-world. I didn’t need words or attitudes to prove anything. I had an assigned space, and allotted time to give everything I had and leave my mark on that track. Win or lose, the exhilaration was … something inexplicable. It was a glimpse, a passing moment, a short period of time that once lost could not be taken back. I stopped running at 17, and didn’t follow through due various uncontrollable events. Nevertheless, life itself can be summed up in similar ways. You have a space and an allotted time, what you do with it will determine the mark you leave behind, Your legacy. There are rules of course, as in racing also in life. There will always be rules. Staying within your white lines is a must, because the minute you step over the line you’ll be disqualified. I call these position, abilities/skills/talents and resources. Consider where you are, what you’re able to do, and what resources are available to you to help accomplish the best. Use what you have. Where you are is your pulpit. Not where he, she or your next door neighbour is. Stepping over the line is when you compare yourself to what the next person has and where they’re at. The minute you begin to compete with anyone other than yourself, you’ve disqualified yourself from the race. You’ve deemed yourself “not good enough”. Rule number two is the allotted time. You only get one chance at life, however long or short it may be. In saying that you have to remember that there are principles to follow; a good start is vital, every second counts,and “slow and steady wins the race” is an absolute load of ****. You don’t have time to turtle your way through life. Think of a 100m dash. If you’re in the blocks after the gun is fired, pondering what technique you’ll use, the race will be over before you get into “set” position. Likewise, if you stumble at the beginning of the 100m dash, seriously, you’re screwed. (It is what it is, and I couldn’t think of better words). There’s a time and place to plan and prepare. I call it practice. It’s like studying before an exam, rehearsing before a show, editing before publishing. You do the prepping BEFORE the race, not during. Three-but probably the most important one-don’t let anyone steal your destiny. Sometimes we lose out on important goals by allowing the wrong people/things/activities into our lives. If it’s taking a lot out of you, causing you distraction, and/or keeping you from achieving your goals, ITS GOTTA GO! If someone starts to get controlling, abusive and decides what you should and shouldn’t do, let them go. If they give you ultimatums between your goals/desires/destiny and them, let them go. You’ll eventually realize that they were the mistake anyway, so get rid of the distraction and fix your eyes on the finish line. It’s better to smile at your achievements than to feel nostalgic about a better time. Last but not least, finish the race. Giving up is never ok. Whether you’re panting, crying, bleeding or crawling, you had better cross that finish line. There’s nothing more unattractive and uninspiring than throwing the towel in. Even if it takes you a whole day longer than everyone else, still finish. Finish what you started. That degree? Get it! That project? Fix it, perfect it, do it whatever it takes, and launch it. That book you’ve been half writing? Finish it. That goal, that passion, that desire that never goes away? Do something about it, make it happen. Don’t ever leave a talent untapped and don’t ever leave a dream on the shelf. Shoot out of the blocks and finish the race. As my coach Dagger used to always say,”Leave it all on the track!”
Now, runners to your marks… Get set… GO!
Roja Ariel Douglas
-I don’t normally post writing like this, but I’ve already posted this one on my tumblr account, and since it was a spirit of the moment piece I went for it. Happy reading! :)
I see compassion in your eyes, in your smile
Love the way you think, the way you talk.
How you carry yourself, steady and agile.
How you strive for your goals, and even the way you walk.
Sensitive, sweet, caring and intelligent,
Everything I’ve ever wanted in “Prince Charming”
Consistent, persistent, in everything diligent.
And all that you’ve been through, certainly alarming
Dumbfounded by this character
Perfection hiding flaws
Successful beyond barriers
Imperfections fear your laws
Credentials exceed the skies
Potentials pushed past limits
All eyes are on you, no lie
No measure to which I could sum it.
Laid back, down to earth, exquisite taste and all
On top, headstrong, still there’s an invisible wall
Preventing me from seeing through
Exactly what you’re here to do
Are you gonna make a move?
Or will you wait for me to prove,
That I’m worthy and I’m capable of handling you,
I’m ready! I could take on your family too.
Don’t have choice but to step back and silently watch,
I thought it’s what I wanted, but lets take it down a notch.
Need to think this one through, at least for an instance.
I’ll let you play on and applaud from a distance.
Boy you got me entrapped; got me stuck in delusions.
Think I should run from it now, the only resolution.
Something so perfect feels seemingly impossible.
But if it were possible it could be incredible.
Here’s what I see: you and me?
we could complement each other.
We’d take it high, make it fly, make the whole world shudder.
Together we’d be prominent
We’d be extreme not temperate.
We’d be a power couple, the most ideal couple
Though we would try to hide it, it would never be subtle.
We’d get the world talking,
And even some stalking
And when they see the happy ending
They’re heads would all be spinning.
Quite the picture I could capture in my vivid imagination
But revised we tend to realize it’s just imagination
We’re exactly the same but we’re from two different worlds
We have completely different lifestyles
And I don’t wanna get hurt.
Letting go of all the dreaming, I’ll just smile this one off.
I’ll watch you live it up, promise I won’t scoff.
You belong in your world, headed to your destination.
I won’t be the one stop you, no fights no instigations.
If ever a time arises when you’re feeling less than perfect.
Just stop and think of me, the one who knows you’re worth it. ;)
Roja Ariel Douglas
November 30th, 2012.
These are the results of what you left behind
The days are long gone, and that me is hard to find
You say you hate me now and all that I’ve become
You don’t believe I’m true to where I came from
Let me enlighten you, shed some light to the truth
If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have learned I knew
How to grow from the old, scared and timid girl
Into this woman now, someone you can’t control
Never thought it would be this way
You’d be calling and I’d walk away
Surely your power trip days
Have come beneath me, and there you will stay
I never wanted this, never meant to turn into her
All I know is this works, and it keeps my head higher.
I may seem meaner and prouder,
Still my stride a lot stronger
With no authority over me you have nothing to lose or gain
This is how I turned out when I let go of you and the pain
So keep on criticizing, Keep on talking, keep lying
That who I was yesterday is what you’re still desiring
I’ll draw you a map to nowhere
That’s where you’re bound to find her
I moved all the mountains from there
One being you, now my path is clear
God only knows how much
It killed me, that simple touch
Near as one heartbeat
So close I could feel you breathe
From letters to words to what lies beneath
Stutter to stutter, my heart in a flutter
And if you ever wondered
Right there, I’ve never been better
No sweeter, No one had ever
Come closer than we were
My heart revealed
My secrets unraveled
In every conversation
My thoughts unveiled
Pressure had never pressed
The way your words caressed
The thought of you possessed me
Through all u had professed to be
Felt like a burning fire
Scorched me from deep inside, desires
Moments of impatience
Pouring love in abundance
Settled so close to your voice
Enchanted, stood still; poised
Every feeling I tried to avoid
Came bustling forth without a choice
So near, as one heartbeat,
So close I could feel you breathe
But those were the days when I was shyer
A lot less louder, a whole lot kinder
You made a difference then
But we had our differences
Desires so different
Left me feeling indifferent
Feeling secluded but your words, so profane
Trying to convince me I had only myself to blame,
Never considered twice, thought it was a game
But I wasn’t playing, not calling no names
My heart hit a home run, yet we were stuck on first base
And before I knew it we both needed some space.
Living in illusions, ridiculous, delusional
Can’t hold it against you, you’re still in denial
You say I changed, though you’ve never known who I am
If I pointed it out, you’d call the whole thing a scam
Pardon my boldness, it’s just a warning
Before you assume, take look at the turning
Point, a moment where all was changed
Without a single word exchanged
And neither you nor I to blame
Seems like the whole world got in the game
I backed off a minute just to watch how its played
From then on the benches, by the sidelines I stayed
No one who knew me seemed to have much to say
Yet you gave up my rights, and let the new rules be made
Before you know it, we came to an end
Lovers to stranger, though you thought we’d be friends
What we had been through
Feels like ages ago
Still keeps on knocking
Knocking on my door.
I got the padlock, the bolt lock
And even the chain lock
keeping my doorway blocked
And my heart completely locked
I’m walking taller and stronger now
My head held much higher now
Reduces the hurt somehow
To show you my head won’t bow
I am the image you carved
Out of the love you had let starve
The girl I was before you came by
And the girl I’ve become since you’ve said your goodbye.
Your presence and absence once had me shook
But now I’m resurrecting the me that past authors took
Roja Ariel Douglas
December 27, 2012.